SUICIDE IS NOT A SOLUTION
Well..most of us think that the only way to escape from the darkness surrounding us, is simply by taking our own lives. We think that killing ourselves is the only help we could reach out to.Recently, suicide has become an escape for most people,but why is it so?To us; it seems like reaching out to people and telling them about what we are going through is just "not normal" it feels like exposing your 'dirty laundry' for everyone to see, we fear that we might be judged...so the best way is just to bottle it, let it traumatize us to an extend that the only solution we have is suicide.
Many may wonder why I'm using the phrases:'We and us', the reason being is that I experienced it, I lived it,I thought it is the only solution to kill the hurt within myself,the pain and all the horrible things that are on my way be it family issues, social issues, and others.The pains that I had have been with me for almost the whole of my childhood to my teenage years. But one thing that people must know is that, it is not easy to spot a suicidal person.The reason is that, not even a single person(Friends,family) realised what I was going through, all they saw was this wonderful,joyful person, who is full of life and laughter,mind that we are very good at hiding our feelings.But deep down inside,I was burning.
The anger that I had made it difficult for me, I started hating life,hating the things that led to my suicidal thoughts.I felt alone,felt like the world is against me, felt like even God has thrown a towel on me...life was so horrible.That is when I thought of taking my own life, I thought that if I do so the burning pain will go away. I started by overdosing pills, mostly at night thinking that I'll die in my sleep,the only thing that I got from the pills was headaches....and that made me angry.I just wanted to find peace,not realing that what I'm doing was totally crazy.I tried over and over again and always got disappointed.
When I looked at my family,it started to sink in that this thing(suicide) is not a solution because they have invested in me with all they had and that was going to break them terribly. When I also looked at my achievements I realised that God has given me a lot since I passed my matric very well and currently at tertiary.I put my pride away and seek for help, I contacted SADAG(South African Depression and Anxiety Group),for the first time I spoke about what I'm going through,I broke down into tears and that for me was a healing because I was left relieved.But still my family does not know about what I went through and all the things I did.
Although I did not disclose the driving forces towards my depression on this post,all I wanted was to encourage people to look into the good things they have achieved and do not take all the negative forces into heart...I know it is not that simple,but taking a step at a time can actually lead to living a pleasant life.Killing yourself is like killing your future.
